Job search stress got you down 4 ways to cope - Sterling Career Concepts

Job search stress got you down 4 ways to cope Job search stress got you down? 4 ways to cope Todays guestauthor is Life and Wellness Coach Sharon Ball for a two-part series on betterhandling stress in your life: Stress is an unfortunate part of most job searches.When we are stressed, we aren’t able to think as clearly, focus and be as productive as we need to be. We aren’t able to listen well and miscommunication becomes more possible which increases our stress. Stress can build to a point where we are burned out and just don’t care about much anymore. It can affect us physically as well as mentally. Severe stress over an extended period of time can even lead to “burnout.” So we just need to get rid of all stress, right?Well, not quite. Actually we need some stress just to keep life interesting. Occasional stress increases our energy and mental alertness. When you feel “pumped” up about a project, you are feeling good stress. Good stress, also known as eustress, is that feeling of joy or excitement when a wonderful change is unfolding. There is some controversy related to the exact definition of stress but the one I go with is that stress is the chemical and hormonal response o f our body to a stimulus from the outside world that disturbs, interferes, or causes change in our comfort zone. Another way to look at it is stress is the body’s reaction to a change that requires us to respond or adjust physically, mentally or emotionally. Anything that challenges us also stresses us. We humans tend to dislike change so we often perceive change as a threat and our body’s releases “fight or flight” neurochemicals and hormones in response to the perceived threat. It has been found that this release of neurochemicals and hormones, if brief, actually increases our immune system. If we see the event causing the stress as a negative event we experience distress instead of eustress. It is important to be aware that often the difference between eustress and distress is our perception of the event. For instance, if I discover today that I am pregnant, I could perceive it as “wonderful” or a “disaster” depending on what I think and feel about being pregnant. It is our personal perception that makes an event good or bad. And our personal perception is often a result of unconscious beliefs that were formed years ago. So again, it is usually not the situation but the thoughts and beliefs we have about the situation that create our stress. Often we have an involuntary “fight or flight” reaction to a situation that may or may not be appropriate. Recognize when a reaction of this sort occurs and then take some time and examine it. Exactly what is causing your reaction? Is it really the situation or could it be an unrecognized thought or belief? Does this situation resemble a situation from your past and all those old feelings are popping up again? Most of us want to limit our negative stress to manage our lives, our relationships, and our careers creatively and intelligently. While stress is not something we can get rid of completely, we can manage it so we have minimal distress. There are four main ways to cope with stress: adapt yourself to the stress, avoid the stress-creating situation entirely, accept the stressor, or alter the stress and/or situation. Of course, the bills aren’t going to stop coming, difficult family members or co-workers aren’t going to have a personality change overnight, the dog isn’t going to become magically housebroken by tonight, and you will never find enough time to do all that you have to do. But you can get more control over both the stress and your reaction to it. What are your current stress management skills/coping strategies? Do you smoke more, use alcohol or drugs, eat too much or not enough, avoid stress at home by working long hours, zone out in front of the television, or treat o thers to angry outbursts when dealing with your stress? I’m sure you recognize these coping mechanisms as unsatisfactory. In Part II of this post, we’ll discuss six healthyways to manage stress. Identifying and listing your stressors is the most important step of all to eliminating them. What daily and weekly occurrences stress you out? Job search included, what people, activities, and things cause stress in your life? Make your list and then let’s look at the four ways of managing stress: The first way is to adapt yourself to the stress. I can hear you asking: “So just how am I going to do that?” If you can’t change the stress producing situation, the next choice is to change something about your reaction to it. Can you view the situation differently? Instead of assuming that your difficult co-worker is deliberately setting out to “get you,” maybe they don’t have a clue that what they are doing is like scraping fingernails on a blackboard to you. Is this situation going to be as important to you in five or ten years as it is now? If not, is it worth all the mental energy you are giving it in the present? Is it your perfectionist standards that are causing the stress rather than the situation itself? Is it your belief that things “should be,” always, never, or “must be? The second one is to avoid the stress creating situation entirely. I can hear you now telling me that of course you’d avoid stressful situations if you could.” This may not be an option when it comes to a job search, but in other areas of your life, are you taking on too much and trying to do too much? The next time someone asks you to take on another project or volunteer activity, why not just say “no?” Don’t try to explain or make excuses or allow them to make you feel guilty, just say that you “cannot do it.” If there is someone that just drives you up the wall or sucks you dry of energy, avoid them. If you cannot avoid them entirely, for instance it’s a family member, and then limit the time spent around them as much as you can. We previously talked about beliefs that things “should be” always or never, or “must be. Really look at these beliefs. Of course, it is a must that you feed your children but is it also a must that the mashed potatoes are homemade ra ther than from a box and that the birthday cake is also homemade instead of from a bakery? Of course, it is a must to provide clean clothes for your children, but is it also a must that clean play clothes be crisply ironed? Or would clean but slightly wrinkled be OK to play in? If you do feel crisply ironed play clothes are a must, does it have to be you doing the ironing or could you hire your babysitter for an extra hour and let her iron the play clothes? Another good avoidance of stress occurs when you refuse to discuss a subject which makes you or others upset or angry. For instance, put politics or religion on your “I-do-not-discuss” list. The third coping mechanism is to accept the stressor. Easier said than done, right? Hey, I never said it would always easy. Some stresses are beyondour control: the loss of a job,aloved one gets sick, or a country goes through a recession. We can’t change these things. We just have to accept that it is happening and move on with our lives the best we can. If part of the situation was caused by a poor choice on your part, choose to learn from your mistake and again, just move on. Going over and over what has happened in your mind or verbally to other people will change nothing and just add to your stress. Sometimes a stressor that you can do nothing about occurs because of someone else’s actions. You may be hurt or furious, but in the grand scheme of things, is it reallyso important that you have to prolong the stress with your anger? Can you just let it go and move on? We live in an imperfect world and bad things happen. Unfair things happen. By raging against these things we dep lete our energy and wear ourselves out. We need to learn to let go of anger and resentment, even if justified, and make an effort to forgive and forget and move on with our life.The final and fourth coping mechanism is to alter the stress and/or stress producing situation. Can you use the situation as a learning experience and plan better in the future so that the situation does not happen again? Would requesting a compromise regarding a situation lighten your stress somewhat? Do you need to be more assertive or maybe just communicate your likes and dislikes, your wants and needs more clearly? Might more attention to time management alter a recurring stressful situation? In Part II of this post, well review six ways to managestress in your life. Life is meant to be enjoyed and savored, and by taking control of your stress you can do just that. If you have any questions that I can help you with, you can contact me at Sharon@reinventingyourselftoday.com. ©2011 Sharon Ball, Life and Wellness Coach. Get your free report: Begin Reinventing Yourself Today at: http://www.reinventingyourselftoday.com. Job search stress got you down 4 ways to cope Job search stress got you down? 4 ways to cope Todays guestauthor is Life and Wellness Coach Sharon Ball for a two-part series on betterhandling stress in your life: Stress is an unfortunate part of most job searches.When we are stressed, we aren’t able to think as clearly, focus and be as productive as we need to be. We aren’t able to listen well and miscommunication becomes more possible which increases our stress. Stress can build to a point where we are burned out and just don’t care about much anymore. It can affect us physically as well as mentally. Severe stress over an extended period of time can even lead to “burnout.” So we just need to get rid of all stress, right?Well, not quite. Actually we need some stress just to keep life interesting. Occasional stress increases our energy and mental alertness. When you feel “pumped” up about a project, you are feeling good stress. Good stress, also known as eustress, is that feeling of joy or excitement when a wonderful change is unfolding. There is some controversy related to the exact definition of stress but the one I go with is that stress is the chemical and hormonal response o f our body to a stimulus from the outside world that disturbs, interferes, or causes change in our comfort zone. Another way to look at it is stress is the body’s reaction to a change that requires us to respond or adjust physically, mentally or emotionally. Anything that challenges us also stresses us. We humans tend to dislike change so we often perceive change as a threat and our body’s releases “fight or flight” neurochemicals and hormones in response to the perceived threat. It has been found that this release of neurochemicals and hormones, if brief, actually increases our immune system. If we see the event causing the stress as a negative event we experience distress instead of eustress. It is important to be aware that often the difference between eustress and distress is our perception of the event. For instance, if I discover today that I am pregnant, I could perceive it as “wonderful” or a “disaster” depending on what I think and feel about being pregnant. It is our personal perception that makes an event good or bad. And our personal perception is often a result of unconscious beliefs that were formed years ago. So again, it is usually not the situation but the thoughts and beliefs we have about the situation that create our stress. Often we have an involuntary “fight or flight” reaction to a situation that may or may not be appropriate. Recognize when a reaction of this sort occurs and then take some time and examine it. Exactly what is causing your reaction? Is it really the situation or could it be an unrecognized thought or belief? Does this situation resemble a situation from your past and all those old feelings are popping up again? Most of us want to limit our negative stress to manage our lives, our relationships, and our careers creatively and intelligently. While stress is not something we can get rid of completely, we can manage it so we have minimal distress. There are four main ways to cope with stress: adapt yourself to the stress, avoid the stress-creating situation entirely, accept the stressor, or alter the stress and/or situation. Of course, the bills aren’t going to stop coming, difficult family members or co-workers aren’t going to have a personality change overnight, the dog isn’t going to become magically housebroken by tonight, and you will never find enough time to do all that you have to do. But you can get more control over both the stress and your reaction to it. What are your current stress management skills/coping strategies? Do you smoke more, use alcohol or drugs, eat too much or not enough, avoid stress at home by working long hours, zone out in front of the television, or treat o thers to angry outbursts when dealing with your stress? I’m sure you recognize these coping mechanisms as unsatisfactory. In Part II of this post, we’ll discuss six healthyways to manage stress. Identifying and listing your stressors is the most important step of all to eliminating them. What daily and weekly occurrences stress you out? Job search included, what people, activities, and things cause stress in your life? Make your list and then let’s look at the four ways of managing stress: The first way is to adapt yourself to the stress. I can hear you asking: “So just how am I going to do that?” If you can’t change the stress producing situation, the next choice is to change something about your reaction to it. Can you view the situation differently? Instead of assuming that your difficult co-worker is deliberately setting out to “get you,” maybe they don’t have a clue that what they are doing is like scraping fingernails on a blackboard to you. Is this situation going to be as important to you in five or ten years as it is now? If not, is it worth all the mental energy you are giving it in the present? Is it your perfectionist standards that are causing the stress rather than the situation itself? Is it your belief that things “should be,” always, never, or “must be? The second one is to avoid the stress creating situation entirely. I can hear you now telling me that of course you’d avoid stressful situations if you could.” This may not be an option when it comes to a job search, but in other areas of your life, are you taking on too much and trying to do too much? The next time someone asks you to take on another project or volunteer activity, why not just say “no?” Don’t try to explain or make excuses or allow them to make you feel guilty, just say that you “cannot do it.” If there is someone that just drives you up the wall or sucks you dry of energy, avoid them. If you cannot avoid them entirely, for instance it’s a family member, and then limit the time spent around them as much as you can. We previously talked about beliefs that things “should be” always or never, or “must be. Really look at these beliefs. Of course, it is a must that you feed your children but is it also a must that the mashed potatoes are homemade ra ther than from a box and that the birthday cake is also homemade instead of from a bakery? Of course, it is a must to provide clean clothes for your children, but is it also a must that clean play clothes be crisply ironed? Or would clean but slightly wrinkled be OK to play in? If you do feel crisply ironed play clothes are a must, does it have to be you doing the ironing or could you hire your babysitter for an extra hour and let her iron the play clothes? Another good avoidance of stress occurs when you refuse to discuss a subject which makes you or others upset or angry. For instance, put politics or religion on your “I-do-not-discuss” list. The third coping mechanism is to accept the stressor. Easier said than done, right? Hey, I never said it would always easy. Some stresses are beyondour control: the loss of a job,aloved one gets sick, or a country goes through a recession. We can’t change these things. We just have to accept that it is happening and move on with our lives the best we can. If part of the situation was caused by a poor choice on your part, choose to learn from your mistake and again, just move on. Going over and over what has happened in your mind or verbally to other people will change nothing and just add to your stress. Sometimes a stressor that you can do nothing about occurs because of someone else’s actions. You may be hurt or furious, but in the grand scheme of things, is it reallyso important that you have to prolong the stress with your anger? Can you just let it go and move on? We live in an imperfect world and bad things happen. Unfair things happen. By raging against these things we dep lete our energy and wear ourselves out. We need to learn to let go of anger and resentment, even if justified, and make an effort to forgive and forget and move on with our life.The final and fourth coping mechanism is to alter the stress and/or stress producing situation. Can you use the situation as a learning experience and plan better in the future so that the situation does not happen again? Would requesting a compromise regarding a situation lighten your stress somewhat? Do you need to be more assertive or maybe just communicate your likes and dislikes, your wants and needs more clearly? Might more attention to time management alter a recurring stressful situation? In Part II of this post, well review six ways to managestress in your life. Life is meant to be enjoyed and savored, and by taking control of your stress you can do just that. If you have any questions that I can help you with, you can contact me at Sharon@reinventingyourselftoday.com. ©2011 Sharon Ball, Life and Wellness Coach. Get your free report: Begin Reinventing Yourself Today at: http://www.reinventingyourselftoday.com.